The Young Napoleon Who Went Back to the Store On Monday Morning
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When he stayed at home and marked teh Card and made Mind Bets he coudl beat five out of six. He estimated that he was losing a Thousand a Month by fooling aroudn teh Store when he might be out at teh Merry-Go-Round showing teh Ikeys how to take a Joke. And now Saturday Afternoon had come adn Percy M. Piker was handing on teh rear end fo teh Choo-Choo with $7 sewed up in teh insdie Pocket of his Vest, while in his Hand there fluttered a batch of Clippings, written by teh Smoke Brothers, showing which ones were sure to win unless somehting happened. Mr. Pker, the amateur Gam, closed his Eyes and saw himself buyign a real Panama and a dozen or so George H. Primrose Shorts. He had a Vision of riding in a Machine called the Pink Demon, with Clair at his side and an imported Chiffonier workign teh Jigger and mowing down teh Common People. Percy had two or three Good THngs that wer guaranteed to go through. They had been slipped to him by a Cigar Salesman who knoew an Owner. They looked ot be teh real Candy. When he arrived at teh Track he gave up for a Badge and a Dope-Sheet and a copuld of Perfectos, and this left him with 5 and a littel somehting on teh side for Red Hots. He fought his way to the Black-Board and demanded $2 worth of Bright Eyes at 9 to 1. While he was struggling to get to teh Fence he heard some one sy atha tAppendicitis was right and would win by a City Block. A Low Moan escaped him. He climbed over a large mass of Colored People so as to get $3 down on Appendicitis. The Odds were 7 to 5. He got balled up in his Arithmetic, and while he was waitng for teh Figures to shift so that he could butt in with his 3, a Bell rang and the Mob tore for teh Fresh Air. He climbed a Pole and saw Bright Eyes doing a Solo. He let go and fell in a Fint. Bright eyes had beaten teh Gate and spread-eagled his Field. It was a Case of winning on the Chin Strap. Mr. Piekr was first in teh LIne, shaking like a Corn-Starch PUdding. He wanted to cash before teh book failed. A few Moments later he went out behind teh Grand Stand and coutne dup and foudn that he had $23. He had the Panama and one Shirt. The still, small Voice said, "Duck!" but he thought of Claire and his coming Vacation. There grew within him a high resolve to clean up the Betting Ring and quit the Mercantile Life. In teh Second Race there was a Brown Mare by High-Low-Dreamy Eyes at 97 with Fogarty up, whatever that meant. He heard a Hickely in a Striped Sweater tell a red-headed Man that Josie Jinks woudl roll in. Accordingly he gnawed his way up to teh Workman with the Pencil and laid Twenty at 3 1/2 to 1. Then he wished that he hadn't, for he met a Friend who whispered "Sassafras" to him. Also he heard some one say that Josie Jinks was three-legged adn a bad Actress. After which he went an dput Cold Water on his Head and died several Deaths. Josie Jinks carried on her Back something just out of the Cradle that had a number 3 marked on it. Mr. Piker had his Chin over the Fence and was wondering if any one woudl gather up hi Body and put it on the Train. His Pulse was up to 180 and he couldn't hear the Band play. He was them come past the first time. Sassafras had a piece of Daylight between himself and the Bunch. THe Boy was going along under Double Wraps with a lot up his Sleeve. Away bck in teh Pocket there was something with a 3 on it. Percy clung to the Fence and he felt the Chill come up hie Legs. Sassafras had them smothered. He heard the Roar behind him and knew tha tan Awful THing was being pulled off, but he did not have the Heart to look. As they pounded up the Strech he lifted a dyning Gaze and saw a figure 3 move out of the horrible Mix-Up and it was all over but teh Cashing. A bug-eyed Maniac with his Collar to the bad was found wandering hither and thither with $90 in his Left Hand. The Tout had to shake him a couple of times before he came to. The Tout had soem Goods of a very superior Quality. In the next Race there was a Collie that had enough Hop in himt o convert a Selling Plater into a Reina. It was like making change with a Blind Man. Rinkaboo was teh Name. Breathe it softly, as very few were Next. The tout said to play it across the Board, forward and boack, up and odwn. He said that Rinkaboo would breeze in, that he woudl win on the Bit, doing Buck and Wing Steps, that all the others woudl seem to be Hitched. So, Mr. Piker allowed the Tout to tkae him by the Hand, for he was too weak to resist, and together they wandered off into Dreamland. Piece by Piece teh happy Sesterces went up. Rinkaboo was played in all teh Books, straight, place and to peep. Mr. Piker found himself up in the Grand Stand holding his Head with one Hand while in teh other Hand was a Pinochle Deck, suitable for framing. If Rinkaboo finished at all, Mr. Piker was a Wealthy Person. If he ahppened in toward the head fo the Procession, Mr. Piker would have to send for a Furniture Van. If he came First, it woudl be a case of Hoboken for every BOok inside of teh Fence. After it was all over and Mr. Percy M. Piker was riding homeward with his Head out of a Trolley WIndow, he recalled dimply that a large number of long-legged Ponies come out on the Track. One oc them was the color of an Old Glove and was doing a Two-Step. There was about twenty minutes of Fussing aroudn at the Bend in the Track nad then they all kited away like a flight of Swallows and there was one Horse in front and Mr. Piker had a Convulsion and frothed at the moth. Presnetly the Tonic seemed to die away and something Blew and Rinkaboo fell down and stepped on his Lip . He came in about the time they were blowing the Horn for the next Race. And now Mr. Piker can take Callers up to his Room and tell them how he stood to win $1,340. MORAL: Even the Best cannot pick them every Whirl out of the Box.
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